The Falls in the fall.

We had a trip to Niagara Falls recently to visit my dh's mother. She is elderly, not as healthy as we would like her to be and we needed the boys to see her. So we flew out to see her and visited Canada and many other sites. The best for me was the Butterfly Sanctuary. I got so many beautiful pics and really enjoyed being there. Of course ds19 would not set foot inside. He has been terrified for many years of any creature that flutters, moths, bees, butterflies, you name it. TERRIFIED. Running screaming wildly terrified. We ate out at many different restaurants, namely; Planet Hollywood, Montana, The Keg, Bob Evans and many others. I ate way too much but really enjoyed it. Mil was doing ok. She could be healthier, we do worry about her being alone and winter coming. She is resistant to moving closer and dh's job necessitates us being here. The Falls were of course majestic and beautiful. I think every American should visit at least once. There is nothing like it on our planet. The weather was interesting, rain and snow and down to the 30's. I was frozen most of the time; the locals thought I was weird in my mittens, scarf, and heavy coat. They thought the weather was fine. Of course, dh is not affected either! Poor ds13 had tons of school work to do, but he finished it and did a very good job! I am proud of his accomplishments and that he completed what was required. He is okay! I happily came home to 95 degrees here in SoCal and happily also was able to scrap los of the Falls. I only took about 500 pics in 6 days, but hey, I could have taken more!

Tag you are it!

i got tagged by my scrappy friend Marci! http://negranzablog.blogspot.com/

The rules are as follows:

1) Link to the "tagger" & post the rules.
2) Share 7 facts about yourself- random / weird facts.
3) Tag 7 people & link to them.
4) Leave comments on their blogs, so they know they've been tagged.


1.I was a natural born redhead, but it faded to blonde when i was about 13.
2.I went to Fashion Design school for college; loved the work, hated the people.
3.I am a Harry Potter fan and plan to read the series again for the third time.
4.I have to eat chocolate every single day.
5.I would prefer to stay home every single day and never go anywhere!
6.I do not like to shop; i make a list and stick to it and leave the store as soon as possible.
7.I wanted six children, but only got three. I would love to have at least one more, but that is impossible now.

i have tagged only blogs i read regularly and people who inspire me! thank you to all of you!

Sheri, the scrapping grocery game queen! http://www.zooreturns.blogspot.com/

Liza, my scrappy friend knows how to have fun! http://www.luculent.blogspot.com/

Shirley, my scrapping/blogging hero http://standingontheedge.blogs.com/

Laura, the scrappy girl who inspires me to continue writing http://writergirl.typepad.com/

Linda, my fellow scrappy celtic hippie! http://www.ramblingsofanoldlady.blogspot.com/

Angela, spiritually inspires me while she scraps! http://landofteenageattitude.blogspot.com/

Michelle, another scrap diva; i love her work! http://michellestrach.blogspot.com/

And I scrap because...........

I am a scrapbooker. That may make some people laugh, some people might ask "What?", and then there are those that understand. I started scrapping about 5 years ago. I was dragged kicking and screaming into this world of paper and photographs. I have been an artist and crafter all my life. I never was interested in paper art. I loved paint and fiber and wood. But a good friend had a party and wanted me to come, so I did. Of course, I completed 2 pages that night and went home saying, "Well, that was ok." But as I started researching the art form, looking at different stores and deciding perhaps this was something I would like to do, it slowly became the major art in my life. I gave up my woodworking. I paint only sometimes now. My knitting lies dormant. I have now devoted a room to scrapping. I love to shop for scrap supplies, I love to organize my supplies and I love to create a history for my family. Scrapping entails many different skills and the best one is the story telling. I am telling my children what I know of our history. My mother is gone and now it is up to me to remember these things and pass them down. I don't have many relatives to help me, it is purely based on what my mother told me before she died. I want my kids to have a history, to be proud of who they are and where they came from. I want them to have a way to remember all the great things we have done as a family. I want them to be able to jog their own memory when I am gone, so their kids will know where they came from.

The other thing about scrapping is the shared community. I love to network with scrappers all over the world. It is so much fun to see that regardless of where we are, our circumstances, our life structure, we share many different things. The scrap world brings us all together. I would post a lo today, but unfortunately, blogger is not letting me. But if you scroll down, you will see some of my los. Not always perfect, I am no expert and can knit better than I can scrap, but I love the art involved. It defines me now as an artist.

Fall favorites

It is now fall. Fall in california is a subtle thing; but i always notice the little things. i like to tell my family the earth has turned. the air is suddenly a touch cooler. the air is slightly more moist. the light is just a little different. you can smell the difference in the air, just a very small difference. but it gives me such a boost of energy! i love fall because it brings my favorite holidays. i just love halloween. it is fun to dress up, to give out my favorite candy and to decorate with all the spooky things. i love to watch all the halloween shows and actually torture myself with the scary ones! and then comes my birthday. i actually get to eat cake and have a good reason! and my most favorite holiday... thanksgiving. i love the food, the family time, the reason for the holiday. it is the best time of year! it is the most comfortable time of year. it is when people can dress up in warm snuggly clothes and wear big fluffy boots and visit snow! i love to go to the apple orchards and pick our own. then we make applesauce and apple pie and apple tarts. i love to go to the pumpkin patch and pick all the odd pumpkins. i love the fall crafts and fun games at the patch. we always go on a hay ride. it is my favorite time of year.

Blogging prompts

i have started a blogging prompt at http://www.theschoolofscrap.com/viewtopic.php?p=75758#75758.
i hope you will all join in and use these prompts as tools to journal on your blog. as a general rule, i like to hear the history of people. so my first prompt is about your blogging history.

i started blogging at Scrapblog. i posted a lot of different things there, joined some challenges, read a lot of different blogs and posted many different los. one of the things i learned about was that anyone could easily get to my blog by googling my name or my blog name. What a great surprise that was! i never knew until then how easy it was to find..... me! i have blogged about funny things, sad things, the growth of my children, my marriage, pretty much anything that i think about. it is my own personal diary, but you are welcome to read it! i have read back to the beginning and i learned things about myself! i live a very good life with a wonderful family. i have many wonderful friends! i like my scrapping, my old los and my new los! when i read some of my older posts, i was surprised that some made me get tears in my eyes. i have had some rough times, but i persevere. a blog is better than a diary, because it is so much easier to type when i am on the computer than to sit down and write in a book. i have started paper journals many times and usually it only lasts a couple days. my blog has lasted years. i am a sporadic blogger because life does get in the way. but i have come back to my blog and carried on. my blog has taught me a few things too! i am not as obsessed about perfect spelling and punctuation as i used to be. i can post secrets here and really, i do not care who reads them because it is my secret and most people will forget in a few days after reading it. i can link to my favorite sites on the net and i can meet lots of new people who post on my blog. i did switch blogs a while ago for only one reason: Blogger was easier to use! i am no geek when it comes to computers and i need all the help i can get! so that is my blogging history. Thanks for visiting and see you soon!

Scraptivity

lo of the day: two

I joined a birthday bash crop at The School of Scrap this weekend and had a great time! i scrapped a ton, made some cards, los, and got ready for a mini album that i need to put together. I really love weekend crops, so inspiring! i have to clean my scrap room now and maybe make some more cards with my scraps. Everyone should come and play at SOS. Lots of fun challenges, classes and great members!

I did not get to go to the scrapbook store and crop last Friday, but that is ok. I am still not feeling ok from my surgery, but every day i am a little better. Maybe i can go this friday! My dh has been absolutely wonderful to me and has taken very good care of me. I am a very lucky girl to have him. Someday i will tell the story of how we met. It is funny!

I have been working very hard at work, but yesterday was surprised with a call from my ds13's school. The nurse said he was there feeling ill. Of course, i thought he was faking. I went to check him out and lo and behold he had a fever. Nurse Cindy said ds13 never ever came into the office so she believed him. so off we went to take him home. i got him set up on the couch and went back to work for a couple more hours then went home to take care of him. he was pukey. i hope i do not get it, cuz that would be the final straw! lol.

ds19 is getting ready for his big move. unfortunately his truck broke....again. of course he has no extra funds so Dad came to the rescue again. i am glad we can help him, but gosh almighty, he is breaking my piggy bank! well, at least he has us to come to.

i am thinking about maybe trying out for another DT spot. i know it is heartbreaking not to win, but i think i should challenge myself now and then. so i will be on the lookout, maybe join another site and wait for the call. hopefully, it will not be so upsetting if i do not make it, but heck, can't lose if i don't apply!

my thoughts have been centered on my dd so much and i miss her. a young lady at my work is just about what her age would be and i love to spend time with her. she makes me feel like i can actually interact with a girl again. it has been very hard to see my nieces and my friends daughters all grow up and make lives for themselves. i wonder every day about how my dd would be now. i yearn to be a grandma and wish for a little girl to treat with pink goodies. boys are fun, but moms NEED to be with a girl. i always feel left out of the guy stuff. just having my own little pity party here!


ps don't you hate the way i type. Who knew that for years i typed reports for a living that had to be exactly perfectly spelling, punctuation, capitilization right. i am sooooo lazy now!

RolErcOastER Ride

Phew, what a month. on Sept 2 i went to the hospital for terrible pain in my stomach. found out i had gall bladder stones, was admitted, found out i had a terrible infection from the stones and had surgery on Sept 4. i was in the hospital for a total of 5 days. lots of pain and antibiotics and no eating any food at all for 5 days. then i finally got to go home. it is amazing how much quicker you can get better at home rather than in a hospital! the nurses were awesome, i had the best surgeon, but there is no cure like being home!

ds19 is all set to move again; this time to his own apartment with no room mates. he has decided he can not live with room mates. he says they are too messy and inconvienent. i have to laugh at that one. he is a messy kid! he is very happy with his girl, they never fight and do everything together. i am glad he has a stable relationship. i would rather this than him dating a lot of no-names. his girl is very sweet!

ds13 is back in school and doing very well. he loves all of his teachers and says that as an 8th grader, he rules the school. i am glad he has come into his own and is feeling more comfortable. i just hope we can get thru algebra!

our sweet jakey dog died on August 28. it was very sad. he was our baby for 13 years and we miss him very much. he had been sick for several months and the vet could never find the cause. i knew it was happening and made sure the boys had time to say goodbye. dh and i were with him went he went to heaven. it was sad, but we are happy he is no longer sick. we will always remember him. he was a wonderful friend.

i have to say that i have realized just how many friends i have over the last few weeks. so many people have offered to help and have sent flowers and cards and good wishes. it is so nice to know that there are people you can look to for help.

dh and i celebrated our 20th anniversary on the 12th. he sent me a beautiful bouquet of red roses. they are so awesome! then he took me to dinner with the boys. it was a wonderful anniversary. i love that man!

i am planning on going to a scrapbook crop on friday night. i am anxious to get back to it as i have not been able to scrap for a couple of weeks. i miss my scrap time!

the saddest day

i know that if you are reading this, you probably know what i am talking about. but every year i want to document again what this day represents. it has a double sadness for me. it will always be the worst day of my life..............ever. it has been 6 years now since i lost my daughter. she would be 27. old enough to be a mother, to make me a grandmother. or perhaps she would have had a career, a teacher, an attorney, an artist. maybe she just would have been like me; in a job that is not a career but one i care about. i don't know what she could have been, i just know she was special. she was smarter than most. she was beautiful. she was kind. she was full of energy and life. but she was also mentally ill. my daughter made my life special in many ways, she made me a mother. she taught me to laugh. she made me see things i would overlook. she loved cows! she loved a good mystery. she could do math like nobody i know! she spoke spanish impeccably. she was artistic. she was goofy. she was independent. i miss her every single day of my life. i have seen her ghost. she has spoken to me in my dreams. losing my daughter changed me from who i was to who i am; drifting through life waiting to see her again. her story is long and complicated and full of mysteries. i will not bore you with the details of her life and i will not horrify you with the details of her death. i just hope you all are with me in thoughts and prayers on this day.

and the reason for my double sadness: my mother also died on this day. after my daughter's death, she went to bed..... and stayed there. she was not healthy to begin with, but going to bed made it worse. it was two long years of her illness becoming worse. many days were spent in the hospital. many times i was angry with her because i needed her to be there for me. many times i cried and cried on her shoulder, but she just was too sad herself. she tried to console me, but she could not face the loss of my daughter, her first grandchild, herself. when my mother died, much too young, i know it was not from smoking and COPD as the doctors would say, it was from a broken heart. there is more to her story with my daughter. they had a very special relationship. and they died minutes apart, on the same day, two years apart. it was unbearable. it still is. i hope you can see my sadness, how it will never go away, how i long for both of them, to talk to them, to touch and hug them again.

and the reason i have gone on with my life after losing the two most important people a woman can have in her life: my oldest son, Samuel, and my youngest son Robert. without these two amazing boys, i would be lost. they make me smile still, when smiling is very hard. they make me remember that there is a reason to go on. they make new memories for me. they hold my hand when i need it the most. they make me madder than heck by being kids and make me love them more than is possible because they are MY kids. they are funny and musically talented and steadfast in their love for me. they are always there and listen when i cry about their sister and hug me and try to help me remember the good moments in my daughter's life. they are the best thing i have in my life and i love them so very much.

and the man that stands next to me, that holds my hand, that comforts me in my deepest darkness, the one person who is ALWAYS there to listen, to let me cry, to know and understand the depths of my despair, my darling husband. he has been a rock in my life. he is a giving and loving man. he has suffered his own loss of his father and his brother, yet he goes on. he is strong and wise and yet sensitive enough to cry with me at times. i can not express my gratitude and joy in having this man in my life. i love him with all my heart.

and the final person i need to introduce to you is my dad. he is actually my step-dad. he has been in my life since i was about 7. he raised me. he paid for everything when i was little. he taught me to be a good employee, to follow the rules, and yet how to let my hair down and have fun. he loved my mother from the beginning to the end and continues to love her still. he is here, but wants to be there with her. he suffered a massive stroke in february, but he is aware of my mother's picture. this is the man who told me of my daughter's death. this is the man who held me as i collapsed in grief. this is the man that i try to visit every day, to let him know what he means to me, that he is MY FATHER, more than any man could be. he grieved with me and has felt my losses more than anyone else.

i am blessed to have the people i have, those i have lost and those i still have. i hope you have the same in your family.

family is the reason for living.

cropaholic

so friday i took a friend to a scrapbook crop. she was a newbie and did so much! she completed 3 pages and they were very sweet, cute baby pages. i got her started by introducing her to all the lovely pp there is and then we moved on to cs and woohoo, she loved it (bazzill!baby). then we looked at the different embellies available and off she went. i really love to go to a crop and socialize and rarely get more than 3-5 pages done cuz i talk too much! but having a friend that was so interested and awed really made it special! she called today and wants to go again in another week. i told her i thought i could fit that in! lol!!!! so, no more solitary scrapping. my single sojourn is over and i have found a new scrapbuddy! the best part of scrapping is friends! the host of the crop is my other friend Kat (howdy!) and she runs a smooth crop! everyone has a great time and in between listing our goodies that we want to purchase, Kat also churns out the most fantastic los i have seen! she is very talented and best of all, fun to be with! so again to all my virtual scrappy friends, i love you all! you are what makes scrapping the most fun!

the page above is from our day at the water park. we had such a great time!

i was pleasantly surprised to hear that i won a little contest i entered. it is at one of my favorite scrapbook sites, www.TheSchoolofScrap.com. i entered at the last minute and really liked the lo that won, so it made my day! slowly but surely i have been scrapping a little more again, trying to get my mojo back, documenting my family! this is a little blurry because it is bumpy and scanned funny but you can see the main pic.

last friday we took a day off and took the boys to the water park. it was a lot of fun. lots of sun and water and food. we always rent a cabana as i am toooooo blonde to be in the sun all day. i stay in the shade and they all play in the sun. the funny thing is i am still sunburned! i think the boys really enjoyed themselves. they were free to do whatever they wanted, went on lots of slides, played and ate junk all day. dh and i just spent the day talking and laughing and enjoying each other. it was a good day! ds brought his girl along and they were very cute together.

my job is still very stressful, but i am hanging in there. every now and then there is a very slow day and it helps. but mostly i am overworked and underpaid. i should ask for a raise, but it is hard for me to do that. since i do not have my rn, i feel uncomfortable asking for more money, but really, i do deserve it. i do more work than the rns do! and i work more hours! but that is the consequence of not completing my education. someday............

lots of gardening today. it is slightly overcast, which relieves the intense heat but creates mugginess. not sure which is worse! some of my flowers died last week. but we can easily replace them. i try to buy heat resistant plants, but this area is a desert and well, too much heat kills anything! we are thinking about taking a little beach trip. so of course that means i need to buy a new swimsuit. yuck. it has been years since i bought one and when i used it last summer it fell apart. it is difficult to buy a suit when you are a little overweight. nothing fits good enough to make you look skinny! lol!! i picked one and ordered it and hope it comes soon enough for our trip. i bought a cover up too. it should help when i am fried red. of course the guys all tan. i just burn. but i am an original beach girl and love to go. i have to clean house today, so that will take a couple hours then off to see my dad for a couple hours then time to scrap a little. i miss my scrap time so much, but other things have to take priority right now.

my friend's dad died this week. it was so sad. i felt so bad for her. she was devastated. she loved her dad very much and they were very close. the funeral was yesterday and it was very hard to see the family this sad. it really brought home to me how lucky we are that my dad did not die. he is disabled, he is sometimes not very nice, but gosh, he is here, i can hug him and he listens very well now. (since he can not talk back!) of course he has plenty to say, just in his own way.

summer school finished this week and rj did very well. he was ready for a break. so i will give him a week of laying around and then we will find some things to do.

that's it for now. thanks for reading.

end of june...blue

it's the last day of june and i am blue. my sis moved to minnesota, thousands of miles away. because i do not like planes, i may not see her again. it is hard to think of this, because we used to be so close. things and people change. i do not like to think of living my life losing people each year to death, moving, and all around indifference. it is harder and harder to make good new friends now and so i envision my life circle getting smaller and smaller. i have made some new friends since going back to work, but they are so much younger, and well, just not seasoned. i don't want to be a mentor, i want an equal. my dh is so kind to me and keeps saying we are best friends, but i really need some girly time occasionally. he is trying to spend more time with me, but really, he needs his boy time too!

enough self-pity stuff. putting on a smile and changing my mood to happy now. july is here and we have a couple of great parties to attend. we will be cooking up a storm, i will get some great pics, we will get to see lots of friends we do not often see, and maybe i can work on one of these friendships to move it along to be a little closer!

ds19 is now living with his girl. she is very sweet. i wish they had considered marriage and staying with their parents until this move, but i can not stop love. it is funny that they are not very much alike, but they get along and she is very sweet to my ds19 who can be a bear and not much fun sometimes. i love them both.

ds13 is going to summer school. consequences of a bad math grade. he says that he feels it is too easy. of course, he is grouped with all of the kids who got bad grades, including those who still can not read. i told him to talk to his teachers about perhaps a harder assignment on the side to actually TEACH him something rather than all these baby steps that he really does not need to repeat. he just did not do his work and turn it in. he can do the work. he is making new friends and is opening up in his teen years. it is good to see him develop some social skills, he used to be so shy and unwilling to talk to anyone!

here is a recent lo i completed. my scrapping has been very limited since my dad's stroke, but i am trying to get back to it. it is my fun time, my release and i enjoy it so much. for awhile, i just did not feel like being creative as i was scared and wanting to be with my dad as much as possible. now he is stabilizing and it is allowing me to calm down a little.

hey, thanks all you who read for listening!

life goes on

February 2007 changed our lives. My dad had a stroke and it was bad. He is debilitated to the point that we must do almost everything for him. Our family got together and decided that the best thing right now is for him to live in his own home and our youngest sibling will care for him. i go over twice a day when ever i can to check on him, visit, talk about old times and sometimes just to watch him sleep. Everyone is subject to this at some point in their life when an adult you look to for direction is not able to help you anymore and then you become the care giver. i just did not know it would happen so soon. it has been a very hard, emotional 4 months. Today my dad turned 78. i cried because i was so happy he has made it 4 more months, but on the other hand, i am so sad that he is in the condition he is in. he sometimes just is not all there. it is a life changing event and our family has adjusted as well as possible. i have the most wonderful husband in the world. he has stepped up and now cooks most of our meals, has been the mom and dad at the house, since i am often gone, and he still loves me unconditionally.

As many obstacles as life sends my way, I continue to pray and live my life day to day.

Blessed be.

OMG it has been a looooong time!

well, halloween, thanksgiving, christmas, new years and a couple birthdays have passed since i last blogged. how terrible! so we had a great holiday season, lots of family and friends and love. i had my last birthday of the 40s and well, i still feel like i am 35! hmmmm.

here is a lo of my boy. he is so funny! my ds18 son has fully moved out; he visits 2-3 times a week and eats here whenever he can. he has borrowed money a couple times, but so far is doing well on his own. he tends to go without rather than ask for help. kinda good, kinda bad! he has signed up for the next semester at college and that was a big relief because we were worried he would quit. ds12 is doing well in school, had a concert, was in the big christmas parade, his voice is cracking and he has made a bunch of new friends. he is really coming into his own now and it makes us very happy.

i have been to a few crops since october and scrapped a ton. it is such a wonderful hobby, as this one is staying in my home! no giving it away! i plan to have a crop at my house soon. it will be fun! my dh got me a cricut so now i have the cricut and wishblade. toss up which is my fav! i have to come downstairs to the computer to use the wishblade, but i come down for the computer anyways!