little blessings

ya know, my job is a hard one. all of my patients are very ill, whether it be physical or mental illness, very ill. some are so desperately ill that they die. of course, we all will die someday, but these poor patients of mine struggle and try to stay healthy, but still die. i usually can handle it because i do my very best to give them everything they need each and every day. i have conversations daily with them, they call me when ever they have a need, or just to talk. my case load this week jumped from 57 to 77. huge increase. and i was overwhelmed. a small one died. unexpectedly. i was so sad this morning. but then i had 2 patients call me and tell me how very much they appreciate me, my listening, my caring, my always being there for them. it helped. and then i got an email that made me smile. it told me how good i am, how caring i am, how much i am needed. it reinforced exactly why i do this job, why i am in this business, that i am needed and my internal strength is helping someone. i can crumple from the sadness, the overwhelming feeling of not being able to change anything, but then i have someone state a simple statement that makes me feel..okay.

so my little blessings came in on a day when i needed them, when i did not expect them, and i cherish them.

also, on a more positive note, my ds18 finally got his books for college. it has been a struggle, he has resisted all attempts to guide him and so seeing him make this step made me a very happy mother.

thank you god for all of your blessings!