poetry

blog prompt four is about poetry, inspiring poems, what i would want to share. i am a private poetry reader. i stand alone in my real life friends as a reader and lover of words. i will share an older poem that has stuck with me since i was a child.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

dh, this is how i love thee.

do you love poetry?

my first lo for my freedom:time


i am not internet savvy, so don't know how to meld the two pages together.

what's in your suitcase?

today's blog prompt from my freedom is what you think is necessary to pack for a trip. this is hilarious to me. i am a terrible traveler. what with my germ problem, fear of creepy crawlies, and fear of getting lost, i practically take my entire house with me! i always take my own pillow. gotta have that. i always pack extra clothes because you never know when you might have an accident where you get wet or spills or falls, you name it. i always take extra books, because i run out of things to read quickly. always take a crossword puzzle book and several pencils, spare shoes, a bag for dirty clothes, and usually some knitting. as you can imagine, my suitcase is always heavy, or i take too many. in the winter, i usually arrive at my hotel then hit a walmart or local store where i can buy a new blanket to sleep with. yep, can't use the blankets in hotels. sigh. and don't get me started on essentials such as toothpaste, shampoo, etc. gotta take full amounts cuz you can't take a chance in running out. i am not a fun traveler. but my dh is very patient with me and even helps by letting me use some of his space. my dream way to travel will be when we get our rv. all my own stuff. never a fear of germs, or running out and best of all, my own library. so i guess you could say my suitcase will actually be a vehicle (rv). lol!

ps it is ok to laugh at me. i know i am silly. just the freakyness of living as me!

time travel

the next blog prompt from shimelle is about time travel, where i would want to go anywhere in time for a day. the first place i would pick would be suzi's last day, but that is too private to discuss here. so i will go to my second pick.

i would just love to spend a day in ireland,scotland or england, in the 1800's at a ball, in a beautiful ball gown, being "brought out" by my parents. i love to read of the days when life was more romantic and polite. i love all of jane austen's books. i would love to be courted and receive written letters and be expected to do artful past times, of course, i would have to belong to the upper class for this. lol. i think it was a beautiful time and i wish we could have it again, along with a proper toilet, refrigerator and stove. and air conditioning. well, it is a dream...right?

time

The first blog prompt for shimelle's class is about time. Of course, this class started 2 weeks ago and i am just now finding the time to blog about it. I guess that is a good representation of how i do not have enough time. Time is tough for me. I work a job that is stressful, and when i get home at night, i am tired and want to do nothing. my time is stretched out like every woman who is a wife, mother, daughter and employee. i guess everyone has the same demands, but some can handle time organization better. i used to be better at this. i guess age slows you down. so my theme for time is you have to go back to go forward. not sure who said it first, but i like what it says. i look back and think about all the time that has passed and how i have changed. i want to be introspective and learn from my mistakes and maybe repeat my successes. so as i now start this class a little late and little unorganized, i will move forward and learn from my past. time is of the essence!

Tagged! who shall i tag?

so my scrappy friend rachel tagged me! i have not played this game for a long time, so here goes!

Each player answers 5 questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged. Let the person who tagged you know when you have posted your answers.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was working from home doing medical dictation. I was caring for my niece and nephews, as well as my own 2 boys. My daughter was in her last year of high school and getting ready to graduate from high school and go to college. I was bored out of my gourd and looking for something new. It took a couple more years, but I found scrapping, which has opened up my world to new friends, new adventures and photograpy!

5 things on today's to-do list:
Have the air conditioning man out to check on our leak.
laundry
gardening
scrapping for my class i am taking

I am addicted to:
chocolate
nectarines
coffee
my kids
scrapping

Things I would do if I were a millionaire:
i would pick a family in need and help them.
i would make sure that my boys both had a sum of money to help buy a house.
i would give dh a dream vacation where ever he should want to go and a kitchen filled with all the goodness he could ever need so he could cook as much as he wanted to.

Places I have lived:
so many!
El Paso, Texas
Cody, Wyoming
Rapid City, South Dakota
Phoenix, Arizona
Westminster, Gardena, Long Beach, Palms, Hungtington Beach, and San Jacinto, California

and I am tagging:
I read many blogs, but I have few that I can tag, so .........
kat my good friend and fab scrapper
shirley a scrappy friend and also very inspiring scrappy wise
shaunte a fab scrapper
rachel another fab scrapper
ree who i long to be like and who is a most wonderful photographer and cook, she does not know me, but just check out her blog!

ok, so there it is. play if you want. or not, no problems!

back soon with another post, since i am supposed to be blogging more with my class i am taking. i am an F student so far! lol!

my freedom

started a new class today with shimelle called my freedom. it is a photo, blogging, journaling, scrapping class. i am excited because i think it will really get my creativity going. i have been slacking, too tired after work to scrap, not taking pictures, and really not being creative at all. amazingly enough the first prompt is very timely. so off i go to take some pictures. i will post some here later, but will try to blog a little more regularly as that is part of the class. should be a fun class.

here is one of my most recent. i went to a crop with kat and had a great time. lately, i have not had enough time to scrap and this was really necessary. i needed the down time, the girl time, and the scrap time.

i have been missing my suzi so much and every now and then, it is just too hard. the feelings just never go away. if you know, then you know what i mean.

today was the 4th. we celebrated by cleaning windows, fixing a kitchen cupboard and me fixing a rib and baked beans dinner. boy am i tired! then i retreated to my scrap room to make a cd cover for a friend to hold the cd of the pictures i have edited for her. she was really happy with the last one. it was about 20 years old, had food on it, and was very faded. i fixed the color, edited out the food stains and printed it out. it looked like new. i was happy to do it for her.

on monday we are going on our annual trip to the water park. it is strange that now we only have one child at home to go. robert will be bringing a friend, but wow, just 2 kids! we are still getting the cabana, i plan on keeping out of the sun as much as possible. i know the guys will have a great time! i hope to get lots of good pics.

note:sherri, if you are reading, i am thinking of you. i wanted to contact you but i lost all your info. i pray for you and your family. take care.

did you miss me?

so, again i have been absent. i just don't seem to remember to post a note very often. i am overworked, when my free time comes, i just want to clean, scrap or play with my family, and really no one is reading! lol. it is just a journal for me so i can post when i want to, right? i just need to remember that i might be missing some milestones that i might want to remember some day!

so life is still difficult with my gallbladder issues. or lack of a gallbladder issues. this last weekend was exceptionally bad. could be related to work stress, but probably because i ate food with fat in it. need to really avoid that because the consequences are quite uncomfortable! the really sad part of all of this is that i will never be able to lose weight because my diet consists mostly of safe carbs. oh, well, not really caring too much about this, as i just want to be a little healthier!

dh has been offered a new post but has declined. i am sort of ambivalent about this. i think he is afraid to make changes at his age, but hey, change can be good. i will support him no matter what. we all know that he has to be happy on the job or life is just miserable! i appreciate his work ethic and know he will make the right decision for his family.

ds19 continues to live with ds gfC. i hope they are happy but occasionally i worry that he is not quite ready for this commitment. he does speak well of her, but hmmm, just not sure. i hope this can be a long term thing for both of them to grow a little and perhaps love each other.

ds14 has grown so much recently. we had to go again and get new jeans. just 3 months since the last purchase. we took a trip to town and saw his peds dr. she was quite surprised at his growth spurt but he is still under weight. at least he is at the 50th percentile in height. she stressed the point of eating more meat. we will continue to work with him on this to help him grow.

we are still in our bowling league. the funny thing is we both now have injuries! who knew bowling could be so disastrous to our joints! we are sticking it out and are now signed up for the summer league. we hope to have ds19 and his gfC with us. it would be a lot of fun!

i will leave with my latest lo that i have created for a challenge at http://www.tallyscrapper.com/board.php i really love this site, so warm and friendly. it is my new scrap home and i hope all of you will come visit. well, if i have any regular readers, thanks for visiting!

right here right now

my latest lo of ds13, about him becoming a young man.

so valentines day is almost here and i am not ready. i need to get some cards made, some candy bought and plan a dinner. should be able to do that tomorrow! work has been crazy mad busy, but i got a new helper and i am very excited that she will really make things easier for me. i have been taking a photography class and it has opened my eyes to new ways to use my camera. why did i wait? so hopefully my pics will be crisper and my los will be better! (one can only hope).

so ds13 took a tumble today and gave himself a concussion. he is ok, but it was scary for a little bit there. we need to watch him for a few days. ds19 is working all the time or playing with his band so we do not get to see him as much as we would like, but hopefully we will have some family time tomorrow.

we went to see juno last week and it was such a fun, cute movie. some adult themes, but ds13 was ok. i would not take any younger than that to see it! my niece came with us and we had a great time.

DS13 and his middle school band. also his group of friends in the bottom picture. all very talented young muscians.

been gone too long, but now i am back to stay

Well, it has been months. Life just got too busy and i strayed from my blog. Quelle horror! So I am going to update a little more often. Not that I have a loyal following or anything, but it is my journal of our life and should have pics to orient us to the timeframe. So here I am back at it! We had a very nice Christmas, too much food, gifts and good times. The boys both loved their gifts and I especially loved what dh got me...a new lens for my camera! Now all I need is a mountain trip to get some great long distance shots. dh was very happy with his new shiatsu. He sat on it for hours, until we read the directions... you are not supposed to use it that long! LOL So now it is the new year and of course, no resolutions. I am a think it and do it kind of person, not a planner aheader. We do make a list on New Years day of what we want to accomplish in our house. This year we are redoing our bathrooms upstairs. New shower with tile, new paint, a shelf in the master bath and a new picture in the boys bath. We also want to do a brick ring around our willow. That is if our willow survives from the big winds. It is looking pretty poorly right now. So ds13 had his Christmas concert and it was really awesome. My lo today is from that concert. We are so impressed with the band director and what he has done with this group of kids. They are so ready for high school band. Well, thanks for reading and hope to post more soon!

The Falls in the fall.

We had a trip to Niagara Falls recently to visit my dh's mother. She is elderly, not as healthy as we would like her to be and we needed the boys to see her. So we flew out to see her and visited Canada and many other sites. The best for me was the Butterfly Sanctuary. I got so many beautiful pics and really enjoyed being there. Of course ds19 would not set foot inside. He has been terrified for many years of any creature that flutters, moths, bees, butterflies, you name it. TERRIFIED. Running screaming wildly terrified. We ate out at many different restaurants, namely; Planet Hollywood, Montana, The Keg, Bob Evans and many others. I ate way too much but really enjoyed it. Mil was doing ok. She could be healthier, we do worry about her being alone and winter coming. She is resistant to moving closer and dh's job necessitates us being here. The Falls were of course majestic and beautiful. I think every American should visit at least once. There is nothing like it on our planet. The weather was interesting, rain and snow and down to the 30's. I was frozen most of the time; the locals thought I was weird in my mittens, scarf, and heavy coat. They thought the weather was fine. Of course, dh is not affected either! Poor ds13 had tons of school work to do, but he finished it and did a very good job! I am proud of his accomplishments and that he completed what was required. He is okay! I happily came home to 95 degrees here in SoCal and happily also was able to scrap los of the Falls. I only took about 500 pics in 6 days, but hey, I could have taken more!

Tag you are it!

i got tagged by my scrappy friend Marci! http://negranzablog.blogspot.com/

The rules are as follows:

1) Link to the "tagger" & post the rules.
2) Share 7 facts about yourself- random / weird facts.
3) Tag 7 people & link to them.
4) Leave comments on their blogs, so they know they've been tagged.


1.I was a natural born redhead, but it faded to blonde when i was about 13.
2.I went to Fashion Design school for college; loved the work, hated the people.
3.I am a Harry Potter fan and plan to read the series again for the third time.
4.I have to eat chocolate every single day.
5.I would prefer to stay home every single day and never go anywhere!
6.I do not like to shop; i make a list and stick to it and leave the store as soon as possible.
7.I wanted six children, but only got three. I would love to have at least one more, but that is impossible now.

i have tagged only blogs i read regularly and people who inspire me! thank you to all of you!

Sheri, the scrapping grocery game queen! http://www.zooreturns.blogspot.com/

Liza, my scrappy friend knows how to have fun! http://www.luculent.blogspot.com/

Shirley, my scrapping/blogging hero http://standingontheedge.blogs.com/

Laura, the scrappy girl who inspires me to continue writing http://writergirl.typepad.com/

Linda, my fellow scrappy celtic hippie! http://www.ramblingsofanoldlady.blogspot.com/

Angela, spiritually inspires me while she scraps! http://landofteenageattitude.blogspot.com/

Michelle, another scrap diva; i love her work! http://michellestrach.blogspot.com/

And I scrap because...........

I am a scrapbooker. That may make some people laugh, some people might ask "What?", and then there are those that understand. I started scrapping about 5 years ago. I was dragged kicking and screaming into this world of paper and photographs. I have been an artist and crafter all my life. I never was interested in paper art. I loved paint and fiber and wood. But a good friend had a party and wanted me to come, so I did. Of course, I completed 2 pages that night and went home saying, "Well, that was ok." But as I started researching the art form, looking at different stores and deciding perhaps this was something I would like to do, it slowly became the major art in my life. I gave up my woodworking. I paint only sometimes now. My knitting lies dormant. I have now devoted a room to scrapping. I love to shop for scrap supplies, I love to organize my supplies and I love to create a history for my family. Scrapping entails many different skills and the best one is the story telling. I am telling my children what I know of our history. My mother is gone and now it is up to me to remember these things and pass them down. I don't have many relatives to help me, it is purely based on what my mother told me before she died. I want my kids to have a history, to be proud of who they are and where they came from. I want them to have a way to remember all the great things we have done as a family. I want them to be able to jog their own memory when I am gone, so their kids will know where they came from.

The other thing about scrapping is the shared community. I love to network with scrappers all over the world. It is so much fun to see that regardless of where we are, our circumstances, our life structure, we share many different things. The scrap world brings us all together. I would post a lo today, but unfortunately, blogger is not letting me. But if you scroll down, you will see some of my los. Not always perfect, I am no expert and can knit better than I can scrap, but I love the art involved. It defines me now as an artist.

Fall favorites

It is now fall. Fall in california is a subtle thing; but i always notice the little things. i like to tell my family the earth has turned. the air is suddenly a touch cooler. the air is slightly more moist. the light is just a little different. you can smell the difference in the air, just a very small difference. but it gives me such a boost of energy! i love fall because it brings my favorite holidays. i just love halloween. it is fun to dress up, to give out my favorite candy and to decorate with all the spooky things. i love to watch all the halloween shows and actually torture myself with the scary ones! and then comes my birthday. i actually get to eat cake and have a good reason! and my most favorite holiday... thanksgiving. i love the food, the family time, the reason for the holiday. it is the best time of year! it is the most comfortable time of year. it is when people can dress up in warm snuggly clothes and wear big fluffy boots and visit snow! i love to go to the apple orchards and pick our own. then we make applesauce and apple pie and apple tarts. i love to go to the pumpkin patch and pick all the odd pumpkins. i love the fall crafts and fun games at the patch. we always go on a hay ride. it is my favorite time of year.

Blogging prompts

i have started a blogging prompt at http://www.theschoolofscrap.com/viewtopic.php?p=75758#75758.
i hope you will all join in and use these prompts as tools to journal on your blog. as a general rule, i like to hear the history of people. so my first prompt is about your blogging history.

i started blogging at Scrapblog. i posted a lot of different things there, joined some challenges, read a lot of different blogs and posted many different los. one of the things i learned about was that anyone could easily get to my blog by googling my name or my blog name. What a great surprise that was! i never knew until then how easy it was to find..... me! i have blogged about funny things, sad things, the growth of my children, my marriage, pretty much anything that i think about. it is my own personal diary, but you are welcome to read it! i have read back to the beginning and i learned things about myself! i live a very good life with a wonderful family. i have many wonderful friends! i like my scrapping, my old los and my new los! when i read some of my older posts, i was surprised that some made me get tears in my eyes. i have had some rough times, but i persevere. a blog is better than a diary, because it is so much easier to type when i am on the computer than to sit down and write in a book. i have started paper journals many times and usually it only lasts a couple days. my blog has lasted years. i am a sporadic blogger because life does get in the way. but i have come back to my blog and carried on. my blog has taught me a few things too! i am not as obsessed about perfect spelling and punctuation as i used to be. i can post secrets here and really, i do not care who reads them because it is my secret and most people will forget in a few days after reading it. i can link to my favorite sites on the net and i can meet lots of new people who post on my blog. i did switch blogs a while ago for only one reason: Blogger was easier to use! i am no geek when it comes to computers and i need all the help i can get! so that is my blogging history. Thanks for visiting and see you soon!

Scraptivity

lo of the day: two

I joined a birthday bash crop at The School of Scrap this weekend and had a great time! i scrapped a ton, made some cards, los, and got ready for a mini album that i need to put together. I really love weekend crops, so inspiring! i have to clean my scrap room now and maybe make some more cards with my scraps. Everyone should come and play at SOS. Lots of fun challenges, classes and great members!

I did not get to go to the scrapbook store and crop last Friday, but that is ok. I am still not feeling ok from my surgery, but every day i am a little better. Maybe i can go this friday! My dh has been absolutely wonderful to me and has taken very good care of me. I am a very lucky girl to have him. Someday i will tell the story of how we met. It is funny!

I have been working very hard at work, but yesterday was surprised with a call from my ds13's school. The nurse said he was there feeling ill. Of course, i thought he was faking. I went to check him out and lo and behold he had a fever. Nurse Cindy said ds13 never ever came into the office so she believed him. so off we went to take him home. i got him set up on the couch and went back to work for a couple more hours then went home to take care of him. he was pukey. i hope i do not get it, cuz that would be the final straw! lol.

ds19 is getting ready for his big move. unfortunately his truck broke....again. of course he has no extra funds so Dad came to the rescue again. i am glad we can help him, but gosh almighty, he is breaking my piggy bank! well, at least he has us to come to.

i am thinking about maybe trying out for another DT spot. i know it is heartbreaking not to win, but i think i should challenge myself now and then. so i will be on the lookout, maybe join another site and wait for the call. hopefully, it will not be so upsetting if i do not make it, but heck, can't lose if i don't apply!

my thoughts have been centered on my dd so much and i miss her. a young lady at my work is just about what her age would be and i love to spend time with her. she makes me feel like i can actually interact with a girl again. it has been very hard to see my nieces and my friends daughters all grow up and make lives for themselves. i wonder every day about how my dd would be now. i yearn to be a grandma and wish for a little girl to treat with pink goodies. boys are fun, but moms NEED to be with a girl. i always feel left out of the guy stuff. just having my own little pity party here!


ps don't you hate the way i type. Who knew that for years i typed reports for a living that had to be exactly perfectly spelling, punctuation, capitilization right. i am sooooo lazy now!

RolErcOastER Ride

Phew, what a month. on Sept 2 i went to the hospital for terrible pain in my stomach. found out i had gall bladder stones, was admitted, found out i had a terrible infection from the stones and had surgery on Sept 4. i was in the hospital for a total of 5 days. lots of pain and antibiotics and no eating any food at all for 5 days. then i finally got to go home. it is amazing how much quicker you can get better at home rather than in a hospital! the nurses were awesome, i had the best surgeon, but there is no cure like being home!

ds19 is all set to move again; this time to his own apartment with no room mates. he has decided he can not live with room mates. he says they are too messy and inconvienent. i have to laugh at that one. he is a messy kid! he is very happy with his girl, they never fight and do everything together. i am glad he has a stable relationship. i would rather this than him dating a lot of no-names. his girl is very sweet!

ds13 is back in school and doing very well. he loves all of his teachers and says that as an 8th grader, he rules the school. i am glad he has come into his own and is feeling more comfortable. i just hope we can get thru algebra!

our sweet jakey dog died on August 28. it was very sad. he was our baby for 13 years and we miss him very much. he had been sick for several months and the vet could never find the cause. i knew it was happening and made sure the boys had time to say goodbye. dh and i were with him went he went to heaven. it was sad, but we are happy he is no longer sick. we will always remember him. he was a wonderful friend.

i have to say that i have realized just how many friends i have over the last few weeks. so many people have offered to help and have sent flowers and cards and good wishes. it is so nice to know that there are people you can look to for help.

dh and i celebrated our 20th anniversary on the 12th. he sent me a beautiful bouquet of red roses. they are so awesome! then he took me to dinner with the boys. it was a wonderful anniversary. i love that man!

i am planning on going to a scrapbook crop on friday night. i am anxious to get back to it as i have not been able to scrap for a couple of weeks. i miss my scrap time!

the saddest day

i know that if you are reading this, you probably know what i am talking about. but every year i want to document again what this day represents. it has a double sadness for me. it will always be the worst day of my life..............ever. it has been 6 years now since i lost my daughter. she would be 27. old enough to be a mother, to make me a grandmother. or perhaps she would have had a career, a teacher, an attorney, an artist. maybe she just would have been like me; in a job that is not a career but one i care about. i don't know what she could have been, i just know she was special. she was smarter than most. she was beautiful. she was kind. she was full of energy and life. but she was also mentally ill. my daughter made my life special in many ways, she made me a mother. she taught me to laugh. she made me see things i would overlook. she loved cows! she loved a good mystery. she could do math like nobody i know! she spoke spanish impeccably. she was artistic. she was goofy. she was independent. i miss her every single day of my life. i have seen her ghost. she has spoken to me in my dreams. losing my daughter changed me from who i was to who i am; drifting through life waiting to see her again. her story is long and complicated and full of mysteries. i will not bore you with the details of her life and i will not horrify you with the details of her death. i just hope you all are with me in thoughts and prayers on this day.

and the reason for my double sadness: my mother also died on this day. after my daughter's death, she went to bed..... and stayed there. she was not healthy to begin with, but going to bed made it worse. it was two long years of her illness becoming worse. many days were spent in the hospital. many times i was angry with her because i needed her to be there for me. many times i cried and cried on her shoulder, but she just was too sad herself. she tried to console me, but she could not face the loss of my daughter, her first grandchild, herself. when my mother died, much too young, i know it was not from smoking and COPD as the doctors would say, it was from a broken heart. there is more to her story with my daughter. they had a very special relationship. and they died minutes apart, on the same day, two years apart. it was unbearable. it still is. i hope you can see my sadness, how it will never go away, how i long for both of them, to talk to them, to touch and hug them again.

and the reason i have gone on with my life after losing the two most important people a woman can have in her life: my oldest son, Samuel, and my youngest son Robert. without these two amazing boys, i would be lost. they make me smile still, when smiling is very hard. they make me remember that there is a reason to go on. they make new memories for me. they hold my hand when i need it the most. they make me madder than heck by being kids and make me love them more than is possible because they are MY kids. they are funny and musically talented and steadfast in their love for me. they are always there and listen when i cry about their sister and hug me and try to help me remember the good moments in my daughter's life. they are the best thing i have in my life and i love them so very much.

and the man that stands next to me, that holds my hand, that comforts me in my deepest darkness, the one person who is ALWAYS there to listen, to let me cry, to know and understand the depths of my despair, my darling husband. he has been a rock in my life. he is a giving and loving man. he has suffered his own loss of his father and his brother, yet he goes on. he is strong and wise and yet sensitive enough to cry with me at times. i can not express my gratitude and joy in having this man in my life. i love him with all my heart.

and the final person i need to introduce to you is my dad. he is actually my step-dad. he has been in my life since i was about 7. he raised me. he paid for everything when i was little. he taught me to be a good employee, to follow the rules, and yet how to let my hair down and have fun. he loved my mother from the beginning to the end and continues to love her still. he is here, but wants to be there with her. he suffered a massive stroke in february, but he is aware of my mother's picture. this is the man who told me of my daughter's death. this is the man who held me as i collapsed in grief. this is the man that i try to visit every day, to let him know what he means to me, that he is MY FATHER, more than any man could be. he grieved with me and has felt my losses more than anyone else.

i am blessed to have the people i have, those i have lost and those i still have. i hope you have the same in your family.

family is the reason for living.